In Retrospect.

Yay. I’m glad you’re here. Happy new year.

Precious Egbejale
3 min readJan 8, 2022

I’m sitting in my room, thinking of how to make this piece reflect how much retrospect I put into what I’m about to share. Truth is, as I write this, my heart is heavy. It happens when I write, i become weighed down by the intensity of what I’m feeling.

As a writer, it sometimes feels weird that I can’t just pick up a pen and whip up an amazing piece. For me, I write when I feel.

During sad, fleeting moments, I write. When I feel happy, when I feel sober, when I feel overwhelmed by nostalgia.

I digress.

As 2021 came to an end, I found myself doing a lot of reflection. Like any other person, I made a lot of mistakes last year. I lost, cried, struggled and fought. It was a hard year.

One thing that actually stood out, is how self aware I became during the course of the year. I discovered things about myself that I didn’t know before, and it was a beautiful process.

After reading Alex’s article on self doubt, I realized that I have been carrying around a lot of self doubt. As a person, I long for external validation, for people to say nice things about me, my work and my personality. When I don’t get it, i start to doubt, to second guess and i start to think of quitting.

I pour so much love into others. I brag about the people in my corner. I hype them, appreciate them and encourage them. I believe in them, make them feel loved. Sadly, how i encourage others is not the same way I encourage myself.

I push my sisters. I tell them 'it’ll work out!’, 'good things are coming!’, but I don’t do the same for myself. It was tough coming to this realization and accepting it, but it had to be done. I needed to see how much I was sidelining myself and doubting my own abilities.

It has to change. I am worthy and deserving of all the hype, the love, the care and belief I constantly dish out to others. I can do it too, the way I tell others they can.

2022 will be a year of mindfulness. Self love. Self care. It’ll take a while, but I will do it. I want to work on being my own biggest fan, my own biggest cheerleader and motivator. I will love myself and accept myself for who I am.

A while ago, I was feeling really lonely. I don’t have a best friend, and although I have amazing people in my corner, everyone has someone else already. While reflecting, I realized I don’t need a best friend, at least not until I have become my own best friend.

So dear self doubt,

It is time for us to part ways. You have been a burden I’ve had to carry for too long. You have weighed me down, made me unsure of my own abilities. This year, i want to soar. I want to fly high, without doubting that I can. I want to do all the things I like. I want to make mistakes without feeling like a failure or an embarrassment. I want to take on projects and celebrate myself, instead of waiting for external validation. I want to excel at what I do, without feeling less than. I want to be me, i want to love me. I want to be my own hype man. I want to recognize my strengths and weakness, without beating myself up. I want to do things because I know I can, not because people say I can.

This is goodbye. I’m choosing self love this year, and beyond.

Thank you.

Dear reader,

I like sharing myself. My thoughts, my discoveries, some intimate parts of me. I hope you enjoy it and I hope you stay on this journey with me.

Thank you for reading.

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Precious Egbejale

Writer. Virtual Assistant. Going through life transitions.